It's not just a DREAM 2007-09-14T17:54:14+09:00 mashime 忍者ブログ mashimedeb.blog.shinobi.jp://entry/39 2013-07-01T00:33:28+09:00 2013-07-01T00:33:28+09:00
對我來說，在使用某一種語言說話的時候，有一種情不自禁地被這種語言所影響的感覺。也並不是刻意要裝出來，配合哪個語言的氣質。只是每當不假思索的開口，都聽到不一樣的自己。廣東話的時候很隨便，普通話的時候很緩慢，英語的時候抑揚頓挫，日語的時候特別嬌羞。哪一個才是自己？還是哪一個都是自己（笑）。

不過如果是用文字的表達又不太一樣。特別像日記這一種書寫的方式。大多都是把心中所想的直接表現出來，並沒有經過太多的潤色。奇怪的是，有時候心中想的一個事情，只能由特定的一種語言表現出來。例如，心裡會突然出現日語的句子，想法。所以如果在那一刻要把那個想法原原本本地記錄下來的話，就必須使用日語的文字了。

這樣看來，文字不僅僅是載體，而是也有自己不同的個性的。只是要怎樣才能通過語言文字來最真實的自己呢？我一直在想這個問題。從我說的話，寫的字裡，你們看到一個怎樣的我？]]> mashime mashimedeb.blog.shinobi.jp://entry/38 2013-06-27T17:57:40+09:00 2013-06-27T17:57:40+09:00
It has been at lease a year since I last logged in and wrote. How did I manage to lock all my thoughts inside me for this long? Ah, I forget I have another way to find the exit now. I can draw and paint, with all my emotions and darkness that haunt me at nights. They flew with my pencils, brushes and paints, and refilled my heart very soon. Is it because now I have half of my brain unfilled with the busy projects that I used to have? Drawing isn't enough to be the gateway. I have to open the old path, the one I used to rely on. A house I filled with junks and trashes and treasures. And memeries.

I do not fear to expose myself. Artist and writers do that. Forget, should we forget the beautifulness of the blossom, even thought it is now cover with dusts and dirts? Let me follow you, brightness, until the last moment of my life...]]> mashime mashimedeb.blog.shinobi.jp://entry/37 2011-09-22T10:17:38+09:00 2011-09-22T10:17:38+09:00 her face is pale as paper; lip is red as plum.
Looking through the sprawling iris,
She finally set her eyes on the blue frame windows
gazing at the world on the other side.
She was there before, she knew.

The suspicious man
with the olive stains on his cap
the red girl who is always playing with keys in her hands
tree has the shape of a big mushroom
old truck that is running inexhaustibly like a horse,
toward the eternal glory.

Sign, she was losing sight of the sun
the town was swallowed by the dark bit by bit,
only the leftover of the golden one
danced quietly on her eyelashes, like fairies.
Silently, a transparent drop twinkled on her face
formed a delicate pearl
]]> mashime mashimedeb.blog.shinobi.jp://entry/36 2011-08-23T13:00:15+09:00 2011-08-23T13:00:15+09:00 -- it is one of those times, you start to wonder if what you've done so far is worthy. And you start to look into future, beyond the moment -- you start to think if those that you are doing will be appreciated by yourself at the very last moment of your life. you are getting doubtful about everything. your mind is clouded and worn by the miserable interactions and conflicts between thoughts. It is hard to decide what you should really do without external assistants now. --

Changing major into minor is hard: It is like you pretend to be friends for so long. And one day, one of you decide to follow your heart, not to make any compromise that affected by outside forces. You try to break up but finally realize that -is difficult. Because once you choose to do that, the years that you spent together will be a waste and meaningless. At least that is what it seems like.
  ]]> mashime mashimedeb.blog.shinobi.jp://entry/35 2011-04-14T13:02:36+09:00 2011-04-14T13:02:36+09:00 growing up is like building a house. The apprearance can still be changed easily after it built. But if you are not satisfied with the inside structure, you have to give up the whole completed piece and startover. "Change yourself" is "easier said than done." I admire those who brave enough to give up what they have so far, in order to be a better one. Yet, "Life is short." Try new thing before is too late. One can be either success or fail, but "we never know what is waiting." :D]]> mashime mashimedeb.blog.shinobi.jp://entry/34 2011-01-18T09:00:28+09:00 2011-01-18T09:00:28+09:00
可是，若萬卷的書都無法讀破，何談走一萬里的路呢。是讀了書再走路，還是走了路再讀書？

]]> mashime mashimedeb.blog.shinobi.jp://entry/33 2009-04-04T12:33:52+09:00 2009-04-04T12:33:52+09:00
「あたしの親友とか、ならないか？」

i haven't written in a while. by "written" i mean writing about my real life. like a diary. now that i know, if i have a CD player for life,i must start to collect my CDs at this moment. how boring and normal my life was: day by day, time past quietly as if it is not a part of life. (i write slow, bear with me) but when i tried to record all those into a disc, they all become stories. there was nothing big, there were only small pieces that could remind me how precious life is, and i am always, just a human being. i am not gonna retell all my stories here, since i am right in one of those busiest day and running out of time. i'll start with the first thing i can recall.

[ to family, to friend, to you...]

[ i am not a native speaker of English. and i know this better than anyone else. i used to pretend i'd study here since high school, but i knew i was not. and i know this better than anyone else. i said love English and i should. but i am not sure. i can communicate in English, but i cannot. and i know this better than anyone else. i couldn't speak. Not from my heart.i said i was never lie, but that was a lie. and i know this better than anyone else. ...]

[ i was here to find myself, but i foud that i lost more...]

i am one of those, rarely, always can stand in the middle. the last thing i want to do is to hurt someone and get hurts. this makes me out of any groups. yes, never belong to any group...or should i say, could never belong to any group. ( This school is wonderful. i was one of those came here with a dream, or many dreams. and they are just dreams, they must die in my memory before it come true. because i dont remember which one is mine. ) i am the only member in my group: no one can come in and no one can get out. most of the time, i will try to get involve with others. and when i am getting closer with them, i break apart. never turn back again. i hate myself when i am so fake. if i couldn't love people with heart at the beginning, i dont think i could ever. [by "the beginning," i mean when i start to make my judgement...] some people is hard to get close for some people. For me, it just happen to be "most of the people"... and i am so sorry for that. From kindegarden started to highschool ended, i made two friends that i really care... the others, i bet i would shed a tear for their gravestone.

- what will a human like this grow up to be?

- i am not here to learn English... i am here to find those i will love, just in cast they can only understand English...

- has god already link us together?

- can you bear me for i while before i can express myself well? i want to talk "FREE"...


]]> mashime mashimedeb.blog.shinobi.jp://entry/32 2009-04-03T11:29:56+09:00 2009-04-03T11:29:56+09:00 ]]> mashime mashimedeb.blog.shinobi.jp://entry/31 2009-03-23T07:53:12+09:00 2009-03-23T07:53:12+09:00 It is facinated. It is a dream. It is not true.
Why bother memorize those fantasy which could never happen?
It is overwhelming. It is fierce.  It should never been borne in this world.

What kind of stories end before they start?
What kind of stories start with knowing their ends?

It is annoying.
When everybody was sunken into the bottom of the sea.
i should have known.
i was not one of them.

i should have known,
i could never be one of them.

i wish i am a painter,
then i could paint out the world.
...

...

...
she is the princess. she is the only princess that left alone on the earth.
she is the only one left that worth the true love from the prince.
]]> mashime mashimedeb.blog.shinobi.jp://entry/30 2009-01-20T05:50:50+09:00 2009-01-20T05:50:50+09:00 ——sit still, the people started to gather. hundreds of darkness began to move toward a same direction. yes, here. those unknown creature were setting their path to this land. to celebrate, to pray for protection.

every single day can change a little bit and make different in the future. you'll never known. even just walking along the street has this potential to change your life. believe or not, we might walking on the same path again and again, nothing's change to our eyes, to our skin. say "i can feel something" probably just lie that you try to make lives more story-like. but it does. even nobody could notice. nature would never go along with people's expectation. it has its own way to handle everything, it changes because it got a better idea. and we could never get to the truth. truth does not belong to us. every tiny breath is a lie. it depends on how you view them, and then they come out beautiful or ugly.

make the colors holder drain and it'll become out of order. life is so cruel but still we expect the wonderfulness. how ironic while singing along with the most boring song we ever heard, we broke into tears...

miracles only happen when you truly need it... wouldn't this make you feel any better?]]> mashime