DEB's TeA PaRTy

曰：讀萬卷書雖易 行萬里路則難

可是，若萬卷的書都無法讀破，何談走一萬里的路呢。是讀了書再走路，還是走了路再讀書？

「あたしの親友とか、ならないか？」

i haven't written in a while. by "written" i mean writing about my real life. like a diary. now that i know, if i have a CD player for life,i must start to collect my CDs at this moment. how boring and normal my life was: day by day, time past quietly as if it is not a part of life. (i write slow, bear with me) but when i tried to record all those into a disc, they all become stories. there was nothing big, there were only small pieces that could remind me how precious life is, and i am always, just a human being. i am not gonna retell all my stories here, since i am right in one of those busiest day and running out of time. i'll start with the first thing i can recall.

[ to family, to friend, to you...]

[ i am not a native speaker of English. and i know this better than anyone else. i used to pretend i'd study here since high school, but i knew i was not. and i know this better than anyone else. i said love English and i should. but i am not sure. i can communicate in English, but i cannot. and i know this better than anyone else. i couldn't speak. Not from my heart.i said i was never lie, but that was a lie. and i know this better than anyone else. ...]

[ i was here to find myself, but i foud that i lost more...]

i am one of those, rarely, always can stand in the middle. the last thing i want to do is to hurt someone and get hurts. this makes me out of any groups. yes, never belong to any group...or should i say, could never belong to any group. ( This school is wonderful. i was one of those came here with a dream, or many dreams. and they are just dreams, they must die in my memory before it come true. because i dont remember which one is mine. ) i am the only member in my group: no one can come in and no one can get out. most of the time, i will try to get involve with others. and when i am getting closer with them, i break apart. never turn back again. i hate myself when i am so fake. if i couldn't love people with heart at the beginning, i dont think i could ever. [by "the beginning," i mean when i start to make my judgement...] some people is hard to get close for some people. For me, it just happen to be "most of the people"... and i am so sorry for that. From kindegarden started to highschool ended, i made two friends that i really care... the others, i bet i would shed a tear for their gravestone.

- what will a human like this grow up to be?

- i am not here to learn English... i am here to find those i will love, just in cast they can only understand English...

- has god already link us together?

- can you bear me for i while before i can express myself well? i want to talk "FREE"...

why is it always so easy to make new friends but much more difficult to keep one?...

how long since the last time I acted like this?
It is facinated. It is a dream. It is not true.
Why bother memorize those fantasy which could never happen?
It is overwhelming. It is fierce.  It should never been borne in this world.

What kind of stories end before they start?
What kind of stories start with knowing their ends?

It is annoying.
When everybody was sunken into the bottom of the sea.
i should have known.
i was not one of them.

i should have known,
i could never be one of them.

i wish i am a painter,
then i could paint out the world.
...

...

...
she is the princess. she is the only princess that left alone on the earth.
she is the only one left that worth the true love from the prince.

——sit still, the people started to gather. hundreds of darkness began to move toward a same direction. yes, here. those unknown creature were setting their path to this land. to celebrate, to pray for protection.

every single day can change a little bit and make different in the future. you'll never known. even just walking along the street has this potential to change your life. believe or not, we might walking on the same path again and again, nothing's change to our eyes, to our skin. say "i can feel something" probably just lie that you try to make lives more story-like. but it does. even nobody could notice. nature would never go along with people's expectation. it has its own way to handle everything, it changes because it got a better idea. and we could never get to the truth. truth does not belong to us. every tiny breath is a lie. it depends on how you view them, and then they come out beautiful or ugly.

make the colors holder drain and it'll become out of order. life is so cruel but still we expect the wonderfulness. how ironic while singing along with the most boring song we ever heard, we broke into tears...

miracles only happen when you truly need it... wouldn't this make you feel any better?