DEB's TeA PaRTy

what is really in front us? and what is the road gonna lead us to? Gloria? Darkness? sink or swim, we have to be ahead of the time.

it is nearly been a year since i droped out from school. i can't say that i've been through a lot, cause i didn't, NOT Realy. telling the truth, i didn't have that hard time which people thought i might had, and i didn't make any of those big-deal decision that changed my whole life, at least, not yet. people around me always assume that maybe i undergo that kind of struggle in my mind, which make me mad because the time of my graduation should be postponed one-year long. and what ironically, i'm not kinda "early bird" person. the only stuff i call for, the only stuff that matter, would goes to what is called "FULLY PREPARE". i would never gonna to make in that classroom ,which i've to study course in English, before everything i need set up well. i would never gonna to live in US if i have no idea whether i could or not to live well in that country. my longing is to do my upmost, which won't make me regret that much in my coming life...

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oh man, my GAMMER still that poor, is it really that out of my lead???
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there's an examination on the day after tomorrow. just let myself know, never consider that as an exam, make it a sourse of Learning. you would never fail in a LEARNing while you learned, right?

to Aries:

sorry can't write u back these days, honey(i mean by mail :)). i'm really kinda busy, and u know why. oh, i've collected all your letters (or as u say,diaries), and looked though them once. seems that u're little bit on edge [maybe, i guess]. but you know what, i'm sure you'll be ok soon. look, you're one of my best friends,right? and my friends, apparently, would never say "give up" easily [and BTW, i know u won't] .  just let people talk, don't try too hard on yourself, everything gonna be fine....if u feel that lonely, call me, i'll be there[on the phone--^_^]

........well then, and don't make it wrong, i'll never try to mothering you...haha. hope you can see this!!! all right then, i gotta get back to work, love u~

i never assume that an individual, who's obssesed with dream, is doomed to failure, but what the truth is--never ever too good to break the balance.

only you could remember the word "JUSTICE", it is a perfect phrase: to catch the bad guys while rescue the good ones. we always use this word to praise those who put criminals in jail. and we never doubt it, it is definitely positive. But here's the thing, in today's society, distinguishing the simple "BAD" from the "GOOD" not quite an easy job. as you see, this is not a Black-n-write world, we never live in the impeccable one. then how we can so sure that we're doing justice, so sure that we're doing the right thing?

here's a scene from the last episode of "Shark": Sebrestion finally got the mental guy. every things perfect fine. and they're talking in detention center. suddenly, it turn out that the crime that make he caught was not real, it was a trap---a perfect-planed trap to get the prey. everyone turned out to be deceive. then several words just split from the "shark":"for the justice". i don't know if there's another way can explain this, but the thing is, you set up someone who was nodoubtly guilty, to make him looks like guilty. is there a contradiction? is there really no other way could use, to make a guilty persone convict? and is that what we call Justice?

i bet it would never got to an agreement. we are not perfect, but we dream about it, even though we know that it would forever be just-a-dream. then why not just believe in ourself, we make our own decision, any trying to make it approach the perfect line...if only we got the gut to approach the impeccable dream, we could barely make mistake. and that's what could make us touch the "JUSTICE"

 

i was confused. don't know why have so little eager to write these days. no matter how i persuade myself, i just couldn't control it well. the feeling of scary, confusion and unsteadiness. for one moment, i was totally freak out, by my own self. The dark side of a human-being, those greedy, yielding, jealous chariteracteristic, make me doubt my very belief. i know very well that i can't do it. i am surppose to follow my young-day dream in the future way, not allowing any shadow  cover my real thought, which already melt into my blood, deeply.

i ought to keep telling myself that everything gonna be fine, despite not now, but any second in next minute. the world would be ok, just not now, not this moment. how can a prisoner drag himself out of the jail but still feeling satisfied? the path's change dramaticly, even though only for that one person, however it still become different.

every single step that we make in this minute would've make slightly or no different for our current lives, but it will, just not now. it certainly will. these not-a-big-deal decisions we make now could change our lives,entirely. so, just prepare youself.

(........what presenting above is totally a mess. i don't even know how it could make any sense. just like those crazy talk. not a damn sentence seems reasonable..............)

today i am getting so much better, at least could sleep quite  well. feeling unstable and guilty, i guess it is the time to study, i mean what exactly, cram for the SAT, again. still not sure if i could go through well this time.

it doesn't mean i am totally unprepare..it just, i hate the moment when i couldn't get the meaning about those passages. i hate my stilly self. this unstable, unsave feeling will never do me any good. i wish myself could just get use to those tiny, dazing words on the paper, i've been practise. and i kinda hoping it already get little bit better now. as my opinion, "Pheonix Wright" really help me out there. [of course i refer to the game, mostly-----namely, he's also good guy in person]

oh, right. i finish "Shark season one", it's definitely a damn great show. i'd love to recommand it to everyone, and waiting for the next season come.(seems like it would be on show on Sep. 23rd...what a news!!!) it seems that the time to re-consider what exactly "JUSTICE" is ,was finally came, i better be prepare. i would talka' bout it in "Life like that" next time....pleeeeeese discuss with me if u want!!!

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and, the thing which still bother me a lot is that all "job" could be danger? if that was truth, i better prepare myself.

BTW, i got conntact with Gloria this evening, she's still soooo friendly  {o^_^o}